Wednesday, February 20, 2013

His Unforgettable Forgotten Goodbye


The noise around me is deafening. All the beeping and yelling going on is all mushed together in a loud humming sound. I try to move but I’m unable to budge. “Don’t try to move.” A voice says coming out of the noise ring in my ears. “Can you tell me your name?” The voice asks. I slowly try opening my eyes only to be blinded by the light overhead. I want to say my name. I feel my lips moving but I heard nothing coming out. I attempt to open my eyes again looking at the person talking to me. Her head is blocking the light from my view making it difficult to see her face. “You’re going to okay.” I look at her where I know her eyes should be, confused. I don't remember what happened. I don’t understand where I’m at. I feel my heart begin to beat faster and faster. “You need to relax. Everything is going to be okay.” I wanted to take her advice like I wanted to say my name but my heartbeats quickened and my breathing becomes shallow. “She’s crashing.” Is the last thing I hear before my eyes roll back and I’m out.
I’m awakened by a banging at my front door. I look around my room for my phone to see what time it is. I find it under one of my pillows while the banging continues. No Service. That’s strange. I look for the time. 00:00. That’s even stranger unless it’s midnight army time which it’s not because the sun’s out. I slowly get out of bed putting my robe over my pajamas walking down the hall through the kitchen and living room to get to the front door. I look out the window on the side of the door because my peephole is broken. I quickly open the door when I see who it is. “Austin, what are you doing?” I ask as he walks in to gives me a hug.
“Aren’t we going to the beach, today? Wasn’t that the plan?” He questions stepping away from me.
“I totally forgot about it. Let me go get changed. Have a sit.” I say pointing to the couch in my living room. I run back to my room to make a quick wardrobe change. I put on a bathing suit under a tank top and shorts. I slip my feet in my sandals before running back out to the living room.  “I’m ready to go.”
“Great! Let’s get going.” Austin says getting up from the couch. He opens the front door waiting for me to step outside. He follows me out as I turn around to lock the door. I look around to see the perfect day around me. Not a cloud in the sky with sun shining against the bright blue sky.
“It’s a beautiful day out. The perfect day for the beach.”
“This is the perfect day for everything.” Austin says with a smile leading me to the car. I smile back at him excited about the day ahead of us.
As we pull in the parking lot for the beach overlooking the ocean making the view breathtaking.  I race out of the car down the stairs to the shore running right to the water. I prepared myself for the cold water to pass over my feet but it never happens. The water isn’t cold. It’s, for the lack of a better word, perfect. The perfect temperature. I look back to find Austin noticing that we are all alone on the beach. I thought we were supposed to be meeting people, at least, that was the plan when we made it last week. “Where is everyone?” I shout back at Austin since he’s too far way for me to question him normally.
“They’re not coming.” He says calmly as he reaches my side.
“Why not?” I ask facing him fully. He takes my hand in his. This strikes me as strange but something I’ve always wanted him to do. Though, before this he’s never had.
“We’re the only ones here.” He states to me in a matter-of-fact way.
“Where is everyone?”
“The question you should be asking is where are we.”
“Why would I need to ask that? I know where we are.” I counter not knowing what he’s trying to say to me. We’re very obviously at the beach. I can feel the wet sand under my toes and the water moving around my feet.
“Do you feel the warm water? Have you ever felt ocean water this warm?” Austin grabs my other hand keeping me in place as if he know what he’s about to tell me, will most likely scare me. “We’re not on Earth anymore. At least, technically, we’re not. I’m not really sure on how this whole thing works but we’re in what some people call Limbo.”
“Limbo? As in the place between life and death where they decide where you belong?” I ask wanting to take a step away from him. He has to be crazy. Why would we be in Limbo? Then right at the moment I asked the noise of the hospital fill my ears. I pull my hands away from Austin’s cover my ears trying to block out the noise. “Make it stop!” I yell wanting the peace of the day back, before he mentioned Limbo.
“You have to stop thinking about what happen. It won’t change anything. It will only bring back pain.” He explains which is barely audible over the noise ringing in my ears.
“Why are we here? How long do we have to stay here?” I question franticly.
“If I could, I would stay with you forever here.” Austin takes my hands in his again. “You’ll be going back after I tell you what I’ve wanted to tell you for a long time.”
“What do you mean I’ll be going back? What about you?” I know what he’s going to say next. I just don’t want it to be true. How can he be dead and I…The ringing in my ears start again. I can’t think about why we’re here. Austin move his hands to my head covering my ears for me. He waits for my face to relax before he removes his hands.
“They told me that you won’t remember this. This whole thing is for my own closure before I move on to where I’m meant to be. Limbo is the only place that we could talk to each other. They brought you here for me.”
“Wait, who are they?” I’m confused about who he keeps talking about.
“I’m not sure. I guess they are like the guides for those who are moving on. That’s why you haven’t met them.”
“Okay, so, they brought me here so you could tell me something?” I ask wanting to clarify that part again. I don’t know if I want him to hurry up and tell me so I could go or for him to never tell me so I can stay with him indefinitely.
“And I wanted to give you something but it’s at home in my room. Even if I tell you where it is now, you’ll never find it because you’ll forget all of this.”
“What is it that you want to give me?”
“A present. It was going to be for your birthday next month. I was going to ask you out on a date and give it to you then.”
“On a date?” I ask shocked, thrilled and now overly disappointed because that date will never happen.
“Yes, I want to ask you out for a long time now.”
“Why didn’t you?”
“I was afraid you say no and we would stop hanging out. I wanted to be round you and I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to see you anymore if I asked you out.”
“Austin, I’ve been wondering for months now why you never asked me out on a date. I would have said yes to one after our first conversation.”
“It’s too late for us to dwell on the past and I know that. I just want you to know that I love you. I’ve wanted to tell you that for a while and I was going to when I gave you your birthday present. Now, that will never happen. For any reason that you might actually remember this when you’re gone, I hid your present under my mattress.”  I see movement up on the hill out of the corner of my eye, which I find strange since he said we were alone. “I told you everything I wanted and now I’m supposed to leave.” Austin grabs my face in his hands tightly kissing me deep and fully on the lips. “I love you, Raven. Now, wake up.”
The noise of the monitors in the hospital are all around me. I see the lady from before standing next to me. “Welcome back. Do you think you can try telling me your name now?” She asks kindly looking in my eyes.
“Raven. My name is Raven.” I say weakly in reply. “Wh…Where is Austin?”
“The boy driving the car?” I try to nod but can’t. She recognizes my attempt and continues. “Unfortunately, the injuries he sustained during the accident were too severe for us to do any good.” I feel my eyes fill with tears at the realization that Austin died before I could tell him how I felt. I was going to do it on the beach, today. Something happened to the car though on our way there. I vaguely remember a tire blowing and the car going out of control.
“What happened?” I ask wanting to know what happened after the car lost control.
“The car you were in slammed into a divider. That boy saved your life. The police said if he hadn’t turned when he did you wouldn’t be here.” I feel her take my hand squeezing it gently. “I’m MaryAnn, by the way. I’ll be helping you while you’re here at the hospital. If you need anything let me now.” She says walking out of the room.
I stay for two weeks in the hospital before I’m able to go home. My parents take me home to stay with them until I’m fully recovered. One day out of the blue, this day just so happens to be my birthday, I have this overwhelming need to go to Austin’s. I don’t know what for I just know I need to go, today. It takes some convincing but I’m able to talk my mom into driving me over to Austin’s house. His roommates haven’t touched his room yet. It’s in the exact condition that Austin left it in. They said they are waiting for his parents to come and get all his stuff. I walk in there telling them I just want to be alone for a second in there. I walk over to his bed sitting down on the edge. I feel a lump under the mattress. I reach under my leg pulling out a small box wrapped in wrapping paper. I slowly start to open the present having an intense feeling that it is for me. I lift the lid of the small box. Just inside is a gold heart shaped locket with an engravement on it.
Raven, I love you, Austin
For some reason I knew I was meant to find this on today of all days. It was meant to be mine today. Though, Austin never will be.

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